Me Meme

[radiantbaby]

Hell, why not? Ganked from everyone and their mother...

The problem with LJ: We all think we are so close, but really we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.

Comments

[darthbecca.livejournal.com]

The last time I spoke with you in any great detail, we talked some about polyamory.

It's been several months since that point. How do you feel like you're doing as far as polyamory is concerned, and are there any key things that have happened to you as turning points, or specific events that make you either a) change your opinion or your way of reacting to a situation, or b) realize that you had in fact accomplished a mental shift from how you would have responded in the situation before (you know, like an "atta girl!!")?

[radiantbaby.livejournal.com]

It's funny because I feel very different than I used to, but I think it happened more in gradual shifts than in very intense ones (sort of like I look down on my path and think, "Wow, I have come a lot farther than I expected).

It's funny because I saved every email I wrote regarding poly to you, justben, or whoever, and it's interesting when I read them now and see how much things have changed. I am not going to say that I am perfect in any way, but issues such as jealousy (which was my biggest demon) have been pretty non-existent recently and a lot of my insecurites have subsided.

One thing I did learn was that a lot of my jealous moments were from a place of habit within myself. It was like I assumed on some level that was how I was "supposed" to react (from a monogamous perspective, of course) in certain poly situations, so I did. Sometimes I was feeling intense things and I didn't know what they were, so I labeled them "jealousy" out of ignorance. That is when I had to delve deeper.

justebn's relationship with feygirl really brought that out in me (well, not the *whole* relationship as I adored them together, but when he first expressed interest in dating her). I found myself starting to panic and I didn't know why. I was determined to understand it though and not just absently label it as jealousy, so I did a lot of soul-searching.

What came out of it really surprised me -- it wasn't jealousy at all, but was instead some residual insecurities from my previous experience of justben in a relationship. Specifically, justben's previous proclivity to be unable to balance the needs of two lovers. An example was that when we would go to a "play" party, justben would desexualize me and put up a wall between us. He would say that he would do anything with "anyone" at the party, but not me because I was already his lover. This was a difficult time for me. I mean, I didn't need him to be making love to or making out with me the whole party (or sometimes even at all, honestly), but his complete disregard of my sexuality was a bit difficult to stomach. When we realized this problem though, we had some wonderful talks and we realized things that we needed to work on. I mean, we were already going in that direction anyway, but I think the relationship with feygirl really brought it to clarity finally.

So, anyway, now things have been really good. I find myself filled with compersion *so* much more than jealousy these days (I even had a situation very recently where someone justben was with asked me if I was okay with the two of them being intimate and the question actually took me by surprise as it hadn't even occured to me to feel negative in the situation -- now *that's* progess!). I find myself very happy with my relationship with justben and my self-esteem has greatly improved (recently I saw myself for how beautiful I am and I haven't let go of that). I feel like I have grown a lot since the 21st birthday party and justben's confession in your hot tub.

Gah, sorry that was longer than I expected!

[darthbecca.livejournal.com]

Awesome, awesome!! Sounds like you're doing very well, congrats!!

[radiantbaby.livejournal.com]

Thanks! *hug*

[dv8dgrrl.livejournal.com]

Are you currently dating, even casually, anyone outside of your relationship with Ben?

[radiantbaby.livejournal.com]

I am currently not officially dating anyone other than justben and I haven't had many dates recently, but it's been more a lack of free time thing than not wanting to date anyone. I am quite open to dating people and have gone on dates as recently as last month though. In fact, I have a terrible crush on one boy, but our schedules hardly match up enough to see each other much.

I admit somtimes part of me wants to experience the "other side" of things and get into a relationship myself, but I am sure it will happen when it needs to and I am content to not be in another relationship and not force one to happen just to date someone. Plus, I think it has given me time to get to know myself better and learn to appreciate myself for once.

Re: to continue with the theme

[radiantbaby.livejournal.com]

Wow, that is a hard question. I mean, I think I would say that my choices of what I want in a mate have changed since I became poly, but I think they changed straight across the board (i.e. even regarding more "primary"-style relationships). I think a lot of my concepts of the world have shifted in general, so that has changed the way I see people.

As for what makes someone stand out, it's hard to say. I mean, yes, sometimes it might be how they are dressed or how they look, but often its just something intriguing about their presense. I admit that I tend to notice introverts more than extroverts (which is funny as, to the contrary, many extroverts barely even notice introverts!). Maybe that's just a kindred spirit sort of thing though.

Once we get past any intrigue, conversation with them is a must. I mean, I am not a big talker by any stretch of the imagination, but I find if I am comfortable enough around someone to talk, that is a really good sign! It's even better if we can share a comfortable silence where we are not both insecurely trying our best to fill the pockets of silence and are instead just happy to be in one another's presense.

Let's see, I try and look for people with common interests (though mine admittedly tend toward the obscure) and I really like a sense of silliness in a person (I love to laugh and to let my own sillybeat loose!). I also am drawn to people who are open to new things (whether it be something "major" or just a new restuarant).

One thing I have noticed with my relationship opening up is that I seem to be more picky about men than women. I am still trying to figure that one out though, so I'll have to get back to you on that. Still, overall, I am much less picky than I used to be. I used to have a "list" of what I wanted in a mate and then I got someone who fit the list to a tea (my ex-fiance) and turned out to be one of the worst people for me! Funny that...

[shalie.livejournal.com]

Do you have a college degree? In what? Have you been able to use any of that in your adult life?

[radiantbaby.livejournal.com]

I do not, unfortunately. I have about 3 years of an English degree under my belt, but I failed out of college ages ago due to some unfortunate personal issues. I am looking into going back to school for Classical Studies though, more here if interested: http://www.livejournal.com/users/radiantbaby/192714.html

[iamtamtamiam.livejournal.com]

There are the places we live and then the places we feel are home. Where is home for you?

[radiantbaby.livejournal.com]

The house I grew up in will probably always be my soul's home (I think I told you how often I dream about it).

For now, in a physical sense, it's definitely here in Cumming (in fact it was before I even moved in), especially in justben's arms when I can be hete and can tuck my head just beneath his chin and let the rest of the world fall away.

[earendel.livejournal.com]

You always surprise me. what do you want to be when you grow up?

[radiantbaby.livejournal.com]

You always surprise me.

I hope that's a good thing. :)

what do you want to be when you grow up?

You know, that is actually a tough one. I am 32 years old and I still haven't really figured it out!

I think my problem isn't that nothing interests me, but instead *lots* of things interest me. I tend to like the idea of more creative things (writing, art, etc) as well as research-oriented things (for some reason, I just love research -- I just love to dig deep into something and figure it out). I am not sure how that translates to a job though.

Being an introvert, I tend to prefer to work autonomously (so I can better immerse myself without interruption) and with little social contact (things such as phone jobs horrify me). On the other hand, sometimes I am drawn towards teaching (though I feel a bit too shy for that), which defies that model.

I tend to usually do well at things I apply myself to, but I am still looking for that avenue that fits my personality best. Hopefully I'll figure it out someday. Until then, I just want to learn and grow and experience what life has to offer me.

[radiantbaby.livejournal.com]

Wow, I have thought on this all day and it's been a real challenge. I am not sure I ever thought of what I would do in such a situation.

Anyway, here's a stab at it:

1) Build a bunch of modern Hellenic temples around the world for people to worship in.
2) Make a big-ass sacrifice to the Gods (a hecatomb of cattle, perhaps?) and then have a huge feast with everyone who wanted to come (I'd even fly any interested people in for it, if needed)

Asked this of someone else, but something tells me to ask you as well...

[reprobayt.livejournal.com]

What do you want for yourself this year? (goals achieved, fantasies fulfilled, challenges conquered, innocents corrupted...)

Re: Asked this of someone else, but something tells me to ask you as well...

[radiantbaby.livejournal.com]

These are mostly my NYE resolutions, but they should do here:

* Work towards a more physically healthy lifestyle (incorporating such things as diet, exercise, etc.)

* Become more active in the Hellenic community (my spiritual path), including such things as:
a) Taking more of an active role in established Hellenic organizations (and with my recent nomination to Hellenion's Boule, that might be a part of that).
b) Keep working towards making my group Southeastern Hellenes much more active with more opportunities for social events throughout the year.
c) Work with justben to create a Hellenic ritual group/(Proto)Demos and become more active on a ritual level.
d) Work locally to spread the word about Hellenismos including such things as local "101" classes/workshops at festivals, BorderPagans, etc and becoming a presence at local pan-pagan events (ex. Pagan Pride).

* Improve my career path (be it starting a new job, going back to school, etc)

* Start writing again

* See lots of good music shows whenever possible (travel if needed)

* Travel more in general and also get a passport (maybe also even a few stamps in it!)

* Eat at home more (and as an aside, become a better chef!)

* Remember how beautiful I really am, no matter what other people try and say (because I rule!).

* Have lots and lots of great sex

* Date someone outside my "primary" relationship

Re: Asked this of someone else, but something tells me to ask you as well...

[reprobayt.livejournal.com]

Sounds like 2006 ought to be fun...

Hope to hear all about it - especially the sex part. :D