Wow, that is a hard question. I mean, I think I would say that my choices of what I want in a mate have changed since I became poly, but I think they changed straight across the board (i.e. even regarding more "primary"-style relationships). I think a lot of my concepts of the world have shifted in general, so that has changed the way I see people.
As for what makes someone stand out, it's hard to say. I mean, yes, sometimes it might be how they are dressed or how they look, but often its just something intriguing about their presense. I admit that I tend to notice introverts more than extroverts (which is funny as, to the contrary, many extroverts barely even notice introverts!). Maybe that's just a kindred spirit sort of thing though.
Once we get past any intrigue, conversation with them is a must. I mean, I am not a big talker by any stretch of the imagination, but I find if I am comfortable enough around someone to talk, that is a really good sign! It's even better if we can share a comfortable silence where we are not both insecurely trying our best to fill the pockets of silence and are instead just happy to be in one another's presense.
Let's see, I try and look for people with common interests (though mine admittedly tend toward the obscure) and I really like a sense of silliness in a person (I love to laugh and to let my own sillybeat loose!). I also am drawn to people who are open to new things (whether it be something "major" or just a new restuarant).
One thing I have noticed with my relationship opening up is that I seem to be more picky about men than women. I am still trying to figure that one out though, so I'll have to get back to you on that. Still, overall, I am much less picky than I used to be. I used to have a "list" of what I wanted in a mate and then I got someone who fit the list to a tea (my ex-fiance) and turned out to be one of the worst people for me! Funny that...
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Re: to continue with the theme
Date: 2006-01-10 02:22 am (UTC)As for what makes someone stand out, it's hard to say. I mean, yes, sometimes it might be how they are dressed or how they look, but often its just something intriguing about their presense. I admit that I tend to notice introverts more than extroverts (which is funny as, to the contrary, many extroverts barely even notice introverts!). Maybe that's just a kindred spirit sort of thing though.
Once we get past any intrigue, conversation with them is a must. I mean, I am not a big talker by any stretch of the imagination, but I find if I am comfortable enough around someone to talk, that is a really good sign! It's even better if we can share a comfortable silence where we are not both insecurely trying our best to fill the pockets of silence and are instead just happy to be in one another's presense.
Let's see, I try and look for people with common interests (though mine admittedly tend toward the obscure) and I really like a sense of silliness in a person (I love to laugh and to let my own sillybeat loose!). I also am drawn to people who are open to new things (whether it be something "major" or just a new restuarant).
One thing I have noticed with my relationship opening up is that I seem to be more picky about men than women. I am still trying to figure that one out though, so I'll have to get back to you on that. Still, overall, I am much less picky than I used to be. I used to have a "list" of what I wanted in a mate and then I got someone who fit the list to a tea (my ex-fiance) and turned out to be one of the worst people for me! Funny that...