radiantbaby | Jun. 15th, 2003

i suppose i really shouldn't spill my guts here, but i guess that is what these journals are really for. besides that, i've no one else to talk to. isn't that so pathetic?

anyway, i am absolutely terrified right now. from how things look right now, a stupid misunderstanding might be the demise of the relationship between myself and one of my dearest friends. its a long sordid story, but i fear he may not be speaking to me anymore. the worst part is it is based, as i said, on a misunderstanding between the two of us. so, there is going to be about 10 years of friendship down the crapper just for some triviality.

i shouldn't really be surprised. my life has been shit lately, so i guess that is just another notch on the belt. i just feel like a part of me has suddenly been ripped from me and i cannot stop it. i just pray that he is man enough to see past this and see how important our friendship is. if not, i don't know. perhaps he doesn't value me as much as i value him.

i just feel so low right now. i spent the entire day sleeping yesterday, partially from a hangover, but mostly from depression. i just can't help but f*ck things up all the time. its like my "f*ck things up" moniter goes off when things are going good and i have to mess things up.

i don't know what to do other than just curl up into a ball. i think i am going to hide in my room for a while. i don't need to see anyone right now.