radiantbaby (
radiantbaby) wrote2012-06-20 03:28 pm
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Passing thoughts on 'True Love' episode one
I just posted this big comment in
chloris's journal, so I thought I'd cross-post it here. It's a bit about my thoughts on Tennant's 'True Love' episode. In short, I loved the episode and have watched it a few times. Admittedly, I'm really easy for anything with Vicky McClure and a pretty David Tennant, plus I think it explored some interesting darker aspects of romantic relationships. All I keep seeing is people exclaiming 'If you loved someone, you wouldn't cheat on them!', but unfortunately I think that is more something people hope would be the case and that the reality is that things can occasionally be more complicated than that.
I fully confess that I have cheated before (several times, in fact, back in my 20s with different lovers), so I have been That Person. I wasn't an evil person, of course, but I was young, misguided, broken, and immature (none of which I would have described myself with back then, but that's hindsight for you). Still, while I don't agree with my actions in the least bit, I can also see why I did so in each circumstance. I was learning things about myself, about my needs, and about how I fit in relationships. I was testing boundaries, but I didn't have the sense to see that I was doing it very poorly.
It was truly an Ugly Life Lesson for me, as I think it is for many people in similar situations.
Anyway, here is what I said on my friends LJ:
Yeah, I certainly don't condone cheating, but I do admit that I get thrown out of the plot a bit when its the usual trope of choosing one person over another. Being poly, my life just doesn't work that way -- you'd have both people (not behind anyone's back, of course) -- so I just sort of check out a bit because its hard to relate to the characters.
I even joked with my husband upon watching it that he was welcome to have any love affairs with his exes, as long as he told me about it (I added, of course, that leaving everything and running off to Canada wasn't something I'd want him to do, but I think Nick was doing that because he had a life where he simply couldn't be with both women at the same time without cheating).
I have seen several people say that they couldn't see how Nick loved his wife and did that to her, but I think that while the situation is really bad, I truly believe he does still love his wife. I think our culture sets up situations where people think 'I love this person more than this person' (which you saw in the show), instead of taking into account that everyone loves everyone differently and its not about more or less. I think Nick had bought into that 'more or less' trope and perhaps it made him second-guess his marriage a bit. He said to Serena 'I've never love anyone like I loved you' (sic), which is a fair statement -- it would be impossible to love someone exactly the same, even if I think he meant something different than how I would interpret that. Still, to be fair to him, he never said 'And I never loved my wife'.
His relationship with Serena might've been more passionate (which doesn't make it a 'better' pairing, of course) and it seemed as if Nick was in a bit of a rut (albeit a mostly-content one) and so maybe it seemed more appealing to be with Serena to break up the monotony. Or maybe he was just feeling his age (his younger wife just had a birthday, very likely reminding him) and Serena reminded him of his youth. There are so many emotional factors at play that I wish they'd had more time to flesh them out.
Anyway, enough rambling -- sorry. I think what Nick did was wrong, though I am happy that it implied that he'd told his wife at the end. Maybe they can pick up the pieces or maybe they can't, but I still think Nick was in love with her. Sometimes we do stupid, callous, immature things in love. It's an ugly truth. Now, hopefully he's learned something from the situation.
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I fully confess that I have cheated before (several times, in fact, back in my 20s with different lovers), so I have been That Person. I wasn't an evil person, of course, but I was young, misguided, broken, and immature (none of which I would have described myself with back then, but that's hindsight for you). Still, while I don't agree with my actions in the least bit, I can also see why I did so in each circumstance. I was learning things about myself, about my needs, and about how I fit in relationships. I was testing boundaries, but I didn't have the sense to see that I was doing it very poorly.
It was truly an Ugly Life Lesson for me, as I think it is for many people in similar situations.
Anyway, here is what I said on my friends LJ:
Yeah, I certainly don't condone cheating, but I do admit that I get thrown out of the plot a bit when its the usual trope of choosing one person over another. Being poly, my life just doesn't work that way -- you'd have both people (not behind anyone's back, of course) -- so I just sort of check out a bit because its hard to relate to the characters.
I even joked with my husband upon watching it that he was welcome to have any love affairs with his exes, as long as he told me about it (I added, of course, that leaving everything and running off to Canada wasn't something I'd want him to do, but I think Nick was doing that because he had a life where he simply couldn't be with both women at the same time without cheating).
I have seen several people say that they couldn't see how Nick loved his wife and did that to her, but I think that while the situation is really bad, I truly believe he does still love his wife. I think our culture sets up situations where people think 'I love this person more than this person' (which you saw in the show), instead of taking into account that everyone loves everyone differently and its not about more or less. I think Nick had bought into that 'more or less' trope and perhaps it made him second-guess his marriage a bit. He said to Serena 'I've never love anyone like I loved you' (sic), which is a fair statement -- it would be impossible to love someone exactly the same, even if I think he meant something different than how I would interpret that. Still, to be fair to him, he never said 'And I never loved my wife'.
His relationship with Serena might've been more passionate (which doesn't make it a 'better' pairing, of course) and it seemed as if Nick was in a bit of a rut (albeit a mostly-content one) and so maybe it seemed more appealing to be with Serena to break up the monotony. Or maybe he was just feeling his age (his younger wife just had a birthday, very likely reminding him) and Serena reminded him of his youth. There are so many emotional factors at play that I wish they'd had more time to flesh them out.
Anyway, enough rambling -- sorry. I think what Nick did was wrong, though I am happy that it implied that he'd told his wife at the end. Maybe they can pick up the pieces or maybe they can't, but I still think Nick was in love with her. Sometimes we do stupid, callous, immature things in love. It's an ugly truth. Now, hopefully he's learned something from the situation.